The programmers at Discovery Health Channel need to rethink the order in which they show things. Tonight, they showed Half Ton Man and followed it with 750 Pound Man. Now, I’m thinking if I program a morbid obesity marathon (MOM), I’m going to go up in weight instead of down as the night progresses, just for suspense’s sake. If I’m watching a show featuring a ONE THOUSAND POUND MAN(!!!), a 750 pound man is going to make me go “You ain’t SHIT, bitch!”

By the way, at the end of 750 Pound Man, the man dies. What the hell? What the hell? That’s so wrong. It’s like watching Extreme Makeover: Home Edition and hearing the story about Annie’s sixteen orphan children, and seeing their new mansion, and then watching Hurricane Katrina obliterate it.

I used to think that the idea of these shows being so popular because they leave the audience with a better self-image was a load of crap. But, after watching the MOM I felt SO HOT. Okay, maybe I need some more upper body development, but I’m hotter than I was, and I don’t have a big bad fat gene. I’m addicted to porn, not food.

PS - Does anyone else think Nelly Furtado’s “Maneater” [mp3] sounds like “She’s A Maniac”? When she goes “She’s a maaaneater,” I keep expecting her to go “She’s a maaaniac, MAAANIAC on the floor! And she’s dancin’ like she’s never danced before!”