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This middle-aged Middle Eastern man ran up to the subway car I was sitting in the other day and plopped down across from me. I was wondering why he ran to the car since it was in the middle of the train and none of the other cars were particularly full. In fact, it was an off-peak hour, and they were all pretty empty. I would soon find out why. So, a few stops in, as my eyes do the subway wander–where they pass over everyone every few minutes–and I notice his–well, package–is prominent. Major VPL going on here (that would be Visible Penis Line, for those of you not familiar with the jargon). And, as I start to look away from this obscene display, he starts to rub it. And I think, okay, he’s adjusting. But, no. He keeps touching himself. So, this fascinating display is something that my eyes keep coming back to, like a train wreck. Not for a prolonged period of time, of course. That would be…rude. Almost as rude as fondling yourself in public. So, he stands to get off the train in that period of time where it’s almost at the station. And he saunters towards me, which would make sense seeing as the doors opened on my side at this station. And… And… He starts RUBBING HIS PENIS ON MY KNEE. I was shocked to the point that it took a few, shall we say, swipes for me to understand my poor kneecap was being taken advantage of. So I shoot a dirty look up at him, and he moves over towards the door. And, in perfect timing–clearly he timed this out in his head–in the second before the door opens and he walks out–he swipes his cock on my shoulder leaning against the siderail. Before I registered that completely unexpected appendix to the situation (What a double meaning that has, huh?), he was gone. What could I do? Scream “Stop that penis swiper!”? Pull the emergency cord to stop the train? There wasn’t really anything to be done except sit in bemusement. Only in New York, kids. – PS - You think your smoking habit is bad? I think this lady has you beat. filed under: misc | comments: 7 comments |
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Jake Gyllenhaal in Jarhead. Thanks, Spanish lady in the subway station.
filed under: misc | comments: 3 comments |
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My sides are sore after seeing Sarah Silverman’s stand-up routine/musical, Jesus is Magic, in the movie theatre. She is so outraegously funny. No one is spared. She makes jokes about gays, women, Jews (“my grandmother survived the Holocaust–excuse me, the so-called Holocaust”), rape (“I was raped by my doctor when I was little–which is so bittersweet for a Jewish girl”), AIDS (“When life gives you AIDS, make lemonAIDS”), blacks (“Christians say that Jews killed Jesus. And then the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I’m one of the few people that believe it was the blacks.”), Asians, senior citizens, midgets, Jesus (“I hope we DID kill Jesus, I’d do it again! Hearing those fucking Birkenstocks coming up behind me…”). It is absolutely side-splitting. So many people hate her because they say her comedy is purely shock value and there’s nothing to it, but the knowing delivery she puts on her jokes is a statement to exploring racism/prejudice/sexism/etc. and tearing it apart. – I had a very cathartic public tantrum today. It was night and I didn’t know if the L train was running between the two boroughs again–I heard that service was resuming early instead of being suspended all weekend. If it was running, I wanted to take it from the F, and if not, I would have to take the M train. So I ask the MTA agent if he could check if the L line was running again because of what I heard, and he said “If you know it’s running, take it.” I say, “I don’t know if it is, that’s why I’m asking you. I just heard that it is maybe.” “Take it and take the shuttle if it’s not running.” “There’s no shuttle, the train is suspended between Manhattan and Brooklyn. Can’t you check really quick for me?” “If it’s not working, take the M.” “I don’t KNOW if it’s working. It’s 12:30 in the morning. It would be a LOT faster for me to take the L if it’s running. I don’t want to take the M and the J and the L if I don’t have to.” “Take the M if you know the L isn’t running.” As he replies each time, he gets more agitated, as if he’s not being an idiot and an asshole and what I’m saying isn’t making sense. His tone was one of complete condescension, like I was a total moron. So, finally, I snap and in front of 10 other people I go, “HOW ABOUT YOU DO YOUR FUCKING JOB AND HELP SOMEONE WHO NEEDS IT? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU HERE FOR IF YOU CAN’T ANSWER A SIMPLE FUCKING QUESTION, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT? THANKS FOR NOTHING, I’M GLAD MY TAX DOLLARS ARE GOING TO PEOPLE LIKE YOU.” He sat stunned as I swiped my car and climbed the steps to the M. filed under: misc | comments: 3 comments |
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